You Promised
by Tessa.Love is Dangerous
Summary: When Peeta finds out that the tracker jacker venom hasn't just changed his thoughts, but is slowly killing him from the inside out, Katniss is finding that she's falling two steps behind Peeta, while he's falling one step ahead. Part I in the Mellark Mysteries. Sequel: Missing You: Part II


"I'm so sorry Mr. Mellark. You know what we think remember? That-"

"That the tracker jacker venom has caused this. I know, I know." The blonde man sighs, shaking his head, his blonde locks falling into his pale face.

Dr. Nathaniel Grey sighs, his voice on the verge of pleading. "Please Mr. Mellark, know that we're doing all we can to fix this."

Icy blue eyes meet his cool brown eyes. "I know what this means."

"Please Mr. Mellark." The doctor tries to plead with his patient once more.

"I'm going to die." Peeta Mellark whispers, staring intently at his hands.

* * *

"Primrose, don't touch that!" I yell, yanking the knife out from my two-year-old son's hands. I pick him up, spitting a lock of my hair out of my mouth as I race over to my six-year-old daughter, who's playing with a rolling pin.

"PEETA!" I scream as I yank the rolling pin from her hands. She runs over to something else, her giggles grinding deeply into my mind. I normally love to hear her laughter, since she's so closed off and silent, but right now I just want her to stop. I growl, yanking the pan out of her sticky hands.

"PEETA, WHERE ARE YOU?!" I scream, frustrated. A flash of blonde hair, glinting orange in the sunlight, comes out from the back room of the bakery. Cool blue eyes that I had fell in love with so long ago peek out from the wall, meeting mine almost sheepishly.

But I know he never meant for it to be sheepish. I can tell something heavy is on his mind, and I can the dried tears marking his rosy cheeks. His eyes are lined with red, and his hands are wringing each other nervously. His form comes fully into view, and I tilt an eyebrow, gripping Rose's arm tighter as she struggles to go over to 'Daddy'. He shakes his head, sending me a silent message.

Not now…

Then he shakes his head, clearing his head from whatever he was and smiles wickedly. He raises an eyebrow at me, and clears his throat as if he just came in the room.

"You called, Katniss?" He says in a mocking tone, his eyes glinting viciously.

"Dada!" Hunter cries happily from my arms, his little fists, slick from his drool, waving furiously as he laughs joyfully, reaching for his 'Dada'. Peeta chuckles, walking over to me, gently prying Hunter from my clenched muscles. Rose watches Peeta with careful but loving eyes. She never says much; she's like the depressed version of me after I came back from the Capitol, after Prim had died, and the version of Peeta when he's nervous he'll hurt me after a hijack attack, mixed together into a little six-year-old girl, with brown hair and blue eyes.

"Hey Rose." Peeta kneels down to her eye level and smiles ruefully at her, ruffling her hair slightly.

"Don't I get a hello?" Peeta mocks gently, sticking out his bottom lip, mockingly pouting, his eyes wide in mock sadness.

Rose laughs lightly as she nods slightly, hugging Peeta around the neck, her eyes thoughtful. She pulls back and stares intently at the basket of sugar cookies in a basket on the counter by the register.

Peeta looks at where she's looking at and chuckles lightly. He stands up slowly, a small grimace on his face as his prosthetic leg hooks slightly. Hunter clings tightly to Peeta's flour covered shirt as Peeta grabs a sugar cookie for Rose, bending down to her level again, holding out the cookie as an offering.

"No Da," Rose mutters, pushing Peeta's hand out of her face. Peeta looks at me, and I shrug, squinting my eyes at Rose, angrily and quizzically.

"Rose, what is it?" I bend down to Rose's level and look her straight in the eyes. The hurt look in Peeta's eyes is almost too much to bear.

Almost…

"Rose, answer me." I say sternly, my patience wearing thin. Peeta grabs my hand with his free hand, silently making me look at him. I hesitantly look up to his cool eyes, mine still smoldering with anger, and he shakes his head subtly, squeezing my hand lightly. I sigh, breathing deeply as I squeeze my eyes shut tightly.

Count to three Katniss…

_One…_

"Why Rose?" I whisper through gritted teeth. Peeta squeezes my hand tighter.

_Cool it Katniss._

_Two…_

She stares wordlessly at the cookies, as if sizing it up. My muscles clench tightly, and Peeta sets Hunter gently on the floor, handing him the cookie. His hands encircle my tense arms, holding me back slightly.

Rose is oblivious to it all this entire time.

_Three…_

I snarl, my vision turning white as I scream, "PRIMROSE EVERDEEN, ANSWER ME THIS INSTANT!"

I lunge to tackle Primrose to the ground, but a flash of blonde covers my vision. Peeta drags me, kicking and screaming out of the bakery. I see out of the corner of my vision, Delly walking up to the bakery. She watches me with wide eyes, and I hear Peeta ask her if she'll take care of the children for a while.

I bite Peeta's hand, which he had slapped over my mouth to stop my screaming. He moans slightly, pulling back.

And that's all I needed.

Peeta's blood taints my taste buds as I scream to Delly, "Yeah, so she can take them and KILL them! How could you Peeta? How could you love a killer like HER?!"

Delly chokes back a sob as she races into the bakery. Peeta slaps a bloodied hand against my mouth again, hissing, "Katniss, it's not real, calm DOWN!"

I scream against his hand, fighting hard. I hiss loud enough for Peeta to hear what I'm screaming. He leans his ear against my cheek to hear what I'm hissing and I repeat what I'm saying.

"Is that what that imbecile Snow makes you read off your cards for practice?" I hiss, and smirk as I feel the effect take over Peeta immediately.

If I'm in pain, I reason with myself,

He should feel my pain too.

His breath catches, and he lets go of me. I get up to charge into the bakery, but then Peeta screams, "He's killing me!"

All of my anger disappears, and I turn in shock to stare at Peeta's tense, hijacked form, curled into a shaking ball in the middle of the sidewalk.

_"WHAT?" _I shriek, bolting back over to Peeta. His azure eyes are now dark blue and his breathing is shallow and breathy, and his hands twitch uncontrollably.

"Peeta, talk to me." I hiss, grabbing his hand. He jerks, and suddenly I'm flying backwards. I yelp, hissing in pain as I land awkwardly on my wrist, stifling a scream as I hear the bones crack in my wrist and it flops uselessly to the side. Haymitch's looming form covers my body and he pulls me into a sitting position.

"Sweetheart, what did you get yourself into?" Haymitch muses as he grabs my good hand to drag me to the hospital. I look over to where Peeta was curled up, and stop short.

He's not there.

The bakery's dark, and there's not a soul anywhere.

It's like a ghost town here.

"Haymitch." I stumble slightly, and he catches my arm. "Where's Peeta? And the children?"

Haymitch looks at me quizzically, and says hesitantly, "Katniss, they're all at home. They've been home for about an hour. You had been sitting in the middle of the sidewalk when I went down to Greasy Sae's and you hadn't moved when I came back, so I knew something was up."

I stop in shock and fatigue at the steps leading up into the hospital, staring with wide eyes at Haymitch.

"An…an hour you say?" I stutter out, my head starting to spin.

"Sweetheart…"

"Just tell them I'll be there in an hour." I shove Haymitch's hand off of my shoulder, and stumble into the hospital.

* * *

Dinner that night is tense, Greasy Sae and Haymitch sit with us tonight. Rose and Hunter couldn't be more thrilled, but I know why they're here.

To watch Peeta and I like they did when we came back from Capitol the last time.

Peeta sits all the way away across the table from me, his movements choppy and tense all throughout dinner. I wince as I move my right hand, getting agitated, as Hunter won't eat.

"Hunter," I say quietly and slowly, breathing in deeply. "Please just eat your food."

"No!" Hunter cries, slamming his little fists on the table, tears falling down his face, his cheeks red. "I wa Dada!" He screams, flinging his bowl of mashed peas on the ground, the food splattering up onto me. I spit mashed peas out of my mouth and wipe some goop off my face. I shove back from the table, my chair screeching on the floor as I storm onto the patio.

I exhale loudly, my handle on the railing so tight that my knuckles are paper white.

Greasy Sae comes out with a damp cloth and starts to wipe off my tense hands and stiff face.

"Peeta fed Hunter, and retired up to the bedroom. Haymitch and I are going to take care of the children for a couple of days so you can work this out together." Greasy Sae finishes wiping me off, and I whisper before Greasy Sae leaves.

"How did you do it? I mean, I know Hunter will go without a fight, but Rose, that's a different matter." I don't turn to look at the older woman as she sighs. She must have made up her mind about something, as she sighs again, slowly walking over towards me.

"He's just scared, you know? This hasn't happened in a long time. Just give him so time and space." Greasy Sae rubs her calloused thumb across my scarred hands, and I tense even more.

"How. Did. You. Do. It?" I ground out, my brow furrowing as I stare deeply into woods, wishing I could just go and hide in there, sitting there till my heart's content.

But I can't.

I have Peeta,

And Rose,

And Hunter to care for.

They all need me.

I never knew that family could do this to you.

I sigh, imagining it was Peeta soothingly rub his thumb against my knuckles. I can just hear him whisper calming things in my ear.

But it's not him.

It's Greasy Sae.

That's right, because Peeta is afraid he'll hurt me.

How many times do I have to tell him, he can't hurt me?

Nothing can hurt me any more.

"Well, Katniss, I told them they're having a little sleepover with Grandpa and Auntie Sae." Greasy Sae smiles as Rose and Hunter walk slowly into the patio space. I don't turn around to look at them, still tense and ready to snap.

"Why is Mama so tense?" Rose whispers to Greasy Sae.

"Because she and Daddy are having some problems right now." Greasy Sae whispers back. I smile a strained smile as I turn around stiffly, holding my arms out for my children.

"Mama!" Hunter cries, wobbling towards me. Rose races up to me and my children tackle me to the ground. I laugh, tears streaming from my eyes as I hug them tightly.

"Katniss, we should go." Haymitch whispers from the door. I nod, slowly disengaging the little bodies from my shaking body.

"I love you two so much." I whisper into their hair. Haymitch grabs Hunter from my arms, and Greasy Sae grabs Rose from my grip. I wipe my tears from eyes as we walk towards the front door. I step out onto the front step, watching them go.

"I'll see you guys in a couple of days!" I yell, waving my hand towards their retreating forms. I hear a crash from the open window, and suddenly I know Peeta was watching our children go.

Good way to trigger a flashback.

So I take Greasy Sae's advice and I let him cool down, having some time to himself as I go into the kitchen to wash the dishes. I see Rose's half eaten dish as I grab Peeta's glass, and the glass drops to the ground, shattering into a million pieces as I grab hold of the counter side, breathing heavily.

I snap out of it, bolting up to the bedroom needing Peeta's love right now.

What I see when I get there, I didn't expect at all. Peeta's limp, exhausted form is slumped awkwardly on the side of the bed, his face buried in the pillows, snoring softly. I see a broken lamp as I walk over to Peeta's side.

That was the lamp he painted for me for our wedding.

I avoid the glass shards and make my way over to Peeta. His to-long-blonde curls fall in gentle waves across his flickering, closed eyelids. I gently tickle my fingertips across his sweat-dampened hair, his open lips, soft breaths coming through his chapped lips. He moans, shifting his prosthetic leg uncomfortably. I slump his limp body upward, holding him upright with one hand as I get off, with difficulty, his shirt, and his pants, the metal from his prosthetic leg gleaming ominously in the moonlight. I lay Peeta gently back down and unclip the pins, holding the leg onto his stump. I slide the leg off of his real leg and pull on his pajama pants, brushing his hair out of his face, placing a light kiss on his sweat-slicked temple, before going to the dresser to grab a pair of clothes for tonight.

_"Katniss…" _Peeta moans, twisting in the sweaty sheets. I freeze, turning on my heel to look at him. His hand twitches uncontrollably, gripping the sheets, a pained look on his face. I tiptoe out of the room and walk down to the living room.

My heart clenches in sadness as I turn on the TV, watching the show for us. The pictures of Peeta are too much to bear, so I turn off the TV, curling into a little ball on the sofa and pulling Peeta's blanket over my shivering body as I fall into a deep, and restless sleep.

* * *

_"You let them take away our children!" Peeta screams at me, his blue eyes wild and his hair mussed so that all of his bangs are like curtains in front of his eyes. I purse my lips, tears clouding my vision as I shake my head._

_"No Peeta, you don't understand!" I start, but he shakes his head, making more of his hair fall in his eyes. He gets a murderous look in his eyes as he reaches for my throat._

_"Oh I get it, you stupid mutt. You WANT them to kill our children. Well, then I'll have to kill you." His hands clench around my throat and I gag, hoarsely scream, pleading for Peeta to come back. _

I scream, my eyes flying open as a pan slams to the ground from the kitchen. I bolt upward and race into the kitchen to find Peeta gripping the side of the counter hard. His breathing is ragged and shallow and his eyes are screwed shut, mumbling something incoherent.

"Peeta?" I whisper, sneaking up behind him.

"YOU MUTT!" Peeta whirls to face me, his eyes wild and his hands clenched at his sides. I gasp, turning on my heel and bolt for the bathroom, locking the door behind me.

I hear a clatter and muffled shouts coming from the kitchen. I curl into a little ball in the corner of the bathroom and rock back and forth for about an hour. When the shouts and clatter finally stop, I uncurl and change my clothes.

I cautiously look out from the bathroom and tiptoe into the kitchen. The mess has been cleaned and a cooling breakfast had been placed on the table with a note next to it.

I walk up to the table and sit down, staring at the note for a while until I finally grab it and open it with shaking hands.

_~Katniss_

_I'm doing my rounds, and won't be back until 5:00._

_Don't wait for me._

_Please eat. I've set out breakfast for you and your lunch is in the refrigerator._

_Peeta_

That's it.

No 'love you'.

No 'don't worry'.

Just that.

I sigh, setting down the note, and I grab my fork, devouring the breakfast he made me.

The only thing I don't eat is the cheesy buns. Normally I eat them all up, but I haven't been able to stomach them for a couple of days now.

The entire day I wander around the house like a ghost. Prim's laugh, Rose's silence, Hunter's child-like giggles, and Peeta's humming follow me around all day until I find myself in the one place I haven't been in, much less without Peeta, since I came back.

Prim's room.

A fine layer of dust covers everything in her room. It feels like I'm intruding something that is waiting for return. I run my hand across her dresser and open the top drawer.

Lady's ribbon dangles from my fingers as I fall to the ground in a crumpled heap.

* * *

The smells and clashes from Peeta cooking brings me to my senses. I moan, feeling something sticky cover my fingers. I pull back my hand and gasp. It's slick from my blood.

I get up slowly, and I hear Peeta call out, "Katniss? Is that you?"

I stumble slightly as I turn into the bathroom, not even shutting the door completely and I fall to the ground hard.

Now I really know Peeta is worried. "KATNISS?!" He shouts, and I can hear his footsteps pounding up the stairs. My stomach heaves and I press a hand to my head, feeling the knot on my temple.

"_KATNISS?!" _Peeta screams, and I know he's seen Prim's room. A second later, the bathroom door slams open and Peeta slams to his knees right next to me, pulling me into his arms.

"Katniss what happened?" Peeta places soft kisses all over face and hair, and I moan softly, weakly pushing him away, but he won't have any of it. He makes me sit upright and he slumps me against the toilet. He stands up with difficulty and grabs a damp towel to wipe my head with. He leans back down and gently tilts my head up to look at him.

"Oh Katniss." Peeta whispers as he washes off my face, sadness clouding his eyes. The coolness from the cloth is nothing compared to the pain in my temple. I whimper, and Peeta glances at me before letting up on the cloth just a bit. After he's down he pulls back and I see scarlet stain the floor from the wet towel.

It's my blood.

My stomach heaves again and I throw up what I had from breakfast in the toilet bowl. Peeta holds my hair back as I retch into the toilet. After awhile I just dry heave into the bowl. I fall backwards into Peeta's arms, burrowing my face into the crook of his neck and curl into a little ball against his chest. He sighs sadly and picks me up and out of the bathroom, down the hall, and into our bedroom. My vision blurs and I feel that I'm going to faint.

"Peeta." I whisper, weakly grabbing shirt. He sets me down on the plush bed and rushes to the bathroom. I clutch my stomach and curl to my side. He comes back in, and makes me sit up.

"Peeta." I try again, but he places a finger on my mouth, silencing me.

"Katniss, you're bleeding again, please just relax." He nuzzles his nose against mine, before starting to place a band-aid around my knot on my temple.

"But Peeta-" I moan lightly as he applies pressure to the wound. Peeta sighs and brushes his lips against mine lightly. He sets me back down on the bed, and starts to undress me, pulling out my pajamas. I watch him through hooded eyes and my breathing slows. Peeta dresses me for bed, and kisses me softly.

"I love you Peeta." I whisper before the dark hands of sleep pull me into their throes.

* * *

I wake up with a throbbing headache and a cold back. I shiver, hugging my arms around my chest as I heave myself off of the bed and onto the cold floor. I hear some clatter from downstairs and I know that Peeta is home still. I grab my silk robe from the hanger and slip it over my small frame, padding my way through the open door and into the hallway. I slowly make my way down the stairs and make my way into the kitchen. I watch Peeta knead the dough he's using for cinnamon rolls. I watch his expression, his furrowed brow, his bitten lip, the sheen glare of sweat lining his brow and lip. I stumble slightly and Peeta hears, looking up with a startled expression that turns to fear as I start to fall. He rushes over just as I'm about to hit the floor and I feel myself being lifted up in his strong arms.

I feel Peeta's nervous laughter ring through his chest as he starts to carry me back to bed.

"What are you doing, Mrs. Mellark, out of bed so early?" He starts to walk into the bedroom, but I fidget in his arms.

"Noooo Peeta," I groan into his chest. He pauses, looking down at me.

As if in response, my stomach growls, and Peeta laughs. "Why didn't you just say so?"

I glare at him and he chuckles, shaking his head as he carries me back downstairs. Once in the kitchen, he sets me down in my chair and I inhale all the smells of the breakfast he made for me that makes my stomach clench with hunger pangs. He sets my plate down in front of me and I nearly choke from eating so fast. I can see Peeta's trying to hide a grin as he finishes kneading the dough.

"Hungry much Katniss?" He asks without looking at me. I blush, setting down my fork as I sit back.

"What confuses me, Peeta, is how you were able to handle the blood from yesterday when you were still unstable from the flashback." I nibble on the end of my fork, my eyes thoughtful.

The playful demur that Peeta had before is now gone, his face hard and set.

There's no playing about this.

He sighs, suddenly not interested in the dough anymore and leans heavily on the counter.

"I had to wait to see you until I got my new medicine. It calms me quicker and I can tolerate anything. The only bad thing is when I take it, I can't feel anything for a couple of hours." He doesn't look at me, as he starts to work again.

Something falls from his pant pocket.

A flash of white.

I silently move to grab it and open it silently.

"_WHAT?!"_ I shriek, falling to the ground. Peeta twirls around in shock, his eyes wide as he sees what I'm clutching in my hand.

"Katniss…" Peeta kneels to my height, and gently takes my open hand.

"You're what?" I cry, tears falling down my face.

"Katniss, I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier…" Peeta gently tries to pry my hands away from his death letter.

"How long?" I choke out, looking at him finally in the eyes. His eyes show deep pools of sadness.

"At tops, a month."

"NO! NO, no, no, no, no, no." I scream, hyperventilating. Peeta pulls me into a hug, and I sob into his chest, weakly punching him. Warm liquid runs down the side of my face, and Peeta sighs, lifting me up as I sob even harder into his chest.

"Peeta, you can't leave me!" I scream into the crook of his neck, tearing his shirt collar. Peeta sets me down on the bed and gently disengages me from him, going into the bathroom and returning a minute later. I vaguely hear the water running in the bathtub over my sobs and he carries me into the bathroom, which is starting to steam up from the warm water. Peeta strips off his shirt and rolls up his pant legs to his kneecaps. He strips me of my clothes gently and lowers me to the warm bathtub. He sits on the ledge, holding my shaking form upright, and he shifts so that he's sitting behind me. He gently takes my bloodied bandage off of my pounding temple and kisses my other temple gently. I start to sob even harder and I feel Peeta's tears wet my shaking shoulder.

I turn around and kiss his trembling lips softly. He pulls me closer to him and we cry into each other's shoulders. A rusty taste hits my lips and Peeta pulls back, his breathing shaky. He turns around and reaches behind his shoulder. He dips the towel he grabbed into the water and wipes the blood running down my temple. The water starts to turn red and he washes my hair and body in my blood.

The doorbell rings, and Peeta gets up with difficulty, pain flashing across his face.

Yet another thing I needed that put Peeta in pain.

I start to slide down in the tub and sob even harder. Peeta glances at me once, worriedly, before walking out of the bathroom and down to the door.

I wipe my eyes with the back of my hand and drag myself out of the bloodied water. I grab a plush towel and walk up to the mirror.

I clench my eyes shut as I hear Peeta talking to our children, his voice happy and bubbly. If only it could always be like that.

"Where's Mama?" I hear Hunter shout.

"She's just getting ready to see you guys!" Peeta says, and I can tell he's close to the door.

I stare at my reflection in the mirror, blood trickling down my temple and staining the towel, running between my breasts. I sigh, grabbing a towel to mop up the blood. I wrap a band-aid around my temple and braid my dripping hair. I slip on some of Peeta's sweatpants and his shirt.

I open the door and walk into the hallway.

"MAMA!" Hunter screams, running down the hallway and clings to my legs. I stumble and fall to the ground.

_"Katniss!" _Peeta hisses, his eyes wide. I laugh and hug Hunter to my chest. He burrows into my chest, grabbing my hair and giggles happily.

"Rose! Come over here!" I wave my open hand, beckoning my daughter over to me. She looks at Peeta and he nods, pushing towards me. She grabs his hand and drags him over to me.

Such a Daddy's girl.

My heart clenches with sorrow at this act, but I push it aside, wanting to think of nothing but my children.

They all sit down next to me and I burrow against Peeta's chest, and we sit like a little family in the corner of the hallway. I brush Hunter's blonde curls out of his little cubby face and say, "How was it at Grandpa Haymitch's and Auntie Sae's?"

"Gra!" Hunter shrieks, his face broken into the biggest grin I've ever seen on his face.

"We fed his geese and made some stew with Sae." Rose fiddles with Peeta's fingers, not looking at me.

"All this talk about stew is making me hungry!" I exclaim, locking gazes with Peeta. He nods and shifts Rose on his lap.

"Here Hunter, why don't you and Rose and Daddy do a puzzle while I make dinner?" I set Hunter on Peeta's lap and make my way down towards the kitchen. I hear Peeta bringing the children down to the living room and I smile as I set down my knife, going to the refrigerator. I grab a skinned squirrel and grab my knife to gut it.

Blood gushes from the incision I made and my stomach heaves. I drop the knife, my head spinning and see out of the corner of my eye, Peeta looking up in worry, and I bolt for the bathroom, my right hand on my mouth and my left hand on my stomach.

I vomit all of my meager breakfast into the toilet, my whole body shaking.

"Katniss?" Peeta appears in the doorway, Rose clutching his good leg, Hunter in the crook of his arm.

"I-I'm fine." I rub my hand across my face, managing a weak smile before dry heaving into the toilet.

"What's wron wit Mama?" Hunter whispers loudly.

"She's just tired." Peeta whispers into his hair, but his eyes never leave mine.

* * *

That night, I curl into Peeta's chest, my stomach still rolling.

"Katniss." Peeta whispers into my hair. I sigh, silent tears running down my cheeks.

"Katniss, everything will be fine." Peeta runs his fingers through my hair, tears running down his cheeks as well.

"What?" I gasp, pushing away from him.

"How could you say that?"

"Katniss…" Peeta sits up, his eyes worried.

"No Peeta! I'm going to do everything I can until the end to make sure you can survive!"

And with that, I rip the comforter off of our bed, yank the phone from the charger and storm from the bedroom, ignoring Peeta's whispers to make me stop, and stalk down to the living room, which is pitch black, and flop myself onto the couch, dialing the doctor and preparing myself for a long night.

* * *

The phone crashes to the ground, my eyelids drooping as I yawn. 4 hours of fighting with Dr. Grey and I've gotten nowhere.

"Mommy?" Rose's blue eyes pop out from the corner of the hallway and Hunter's appear from underneath hers.

"Yeah Rose?" I yawn, holding out my arms for them.

"Something's wrong with Daddy."

Those four words make me fling off the blanket, bolt past my children, and race up the stairs, screaming, _"PEETA!"_

I hear my children tumbling after me and I look at the clock on the wall.

7 a.m.

He should have left an hour ago. Now I definitely know something is wrong.

"PEETA!" I scream. I bolt down the hallway to our bedroom and fling the door open.

"Oh no." I whisper, taking in the scene before me.

Peeta lies, curled into a little ball, in the middle of the bed, clutching his head, his breathing shallow, moaning occasionally. I bolt up to the bedside table and see that the pain medication he keeps there, incase I hit him hard in the middle of the night from my fights, is flung open, all 8 pills gone.

"Mommy?" Rose whispers from the doorway. I had forgotten the two of them had followed me. I sink down next to Peeta's shaking form, mumbling to myself.

"It's gotten worse already. But he said-how could I not-wha…?"

"What's wrong Mommy?" Rose places a soft hand on my shaking shoulder. My head snaps up, cool azure eyes meeting my stormy gray ones.

"Go, now to Grandpa's house and get Auntie Sae over here too, they'll know what to do." I excuse them with a flick of my wrist, looking back at Peeta with concern.

"Bu Mama." Hunter clings to my waist, his soft gray eyes teary.

"GO!" I scream at them. "NOW!"

Hunter starts to sob and Rose takes a big step backwards, her eyes wide.

I feel my own eyes start to tear up. I hug Hunter sobbing form to my chest and grab Rose's wrist, pulling her towards me.

"I'm sorry." I breathe into her bronze hair, my tears damping her hair.

"But you need to go, _now."_ I shove the two of them away and Rose drags Hunter away. I moment later I hear the front door opening, then slamming shut.

"Peeta?" I lean over his shaking form, gently prying his death grip from his head. He moans, turning away from me.

"Peeta, sweetheart, what's wrong?" I mentally slap myself, and I can just hear Haymitch sarcastically clapping, "_Great job sweetheart. Ask him the most obvious question."_

"Katniss." The pillow Peeta's buried his face into muffles his voice.

"Leave. Please."

"No Peeta! Tell me what's wrong!" I yell, ripping the pillow away from him. His bloodcurdling scream makes me give him back the pillow.

"Phone…" I breathe, looking around frantically. I curse when I remember it's downstairs.

"Don't move Peeta." I slap a mental hand around my mental Haymitch to stop him from annoying me further. I bolt downstairs and snatch the phone from off the floor. I look up when I hear the front door open. Rose is dragging Haymitch in and Greasy Sae is holding Hunter's sleeping form.

"Sweetheart, what is it?" Haymitch looks surprisingly sober.

"Peeta." I mumble, already dialing the doctor's line. I turn to go upstairs, but Haymitch slaps a hand on my shoulder, dragging me back.

"Katniss, what is it?" I struggle to go upstairs but Haymitch keeps me planted there.

The answering machine for Dr. Grey's phone is all I hear, but I hit the button, ending the call and dial his number again.

"Katniss…" Haymitch tries to gently pry the phone from my hand and I snap.

"PEETA'S DYING!" I scream, tears running freely down my face. Haymitch's face go white and Greasy Sae gasps.

"Please just keep the children company until he stops moaning." I whisper, suddenly feeling very tired.

"Katniss, if there's anything we can do…" Haymitch starts, but I hold up a hand.

"Just the children for now please." I hear Peeta's moans and turn to go up the stairs. Haymitch lets go of my shoulder and bolt up the stairs. I race into the bedroom just as Dr. Grey's nurse answers.

"Dr. Grey's section, how may we help you?" Her cheery voice is almost too much to handle, but I hold myself in check as I say, "This is Mrs. Mellark speaking. I need to speak to Dr. Grey _right now."_ I brush a damp piece of Peeta's hair out of his face, ignoring his incoherent mumbling.

"I'm sorry, but Dr. Grey is with a patient right now, can I take a message?"

I almost explode, but take a deep breath, letting it out slowly, running a hand over my face.

"Are you sure?"

"Mrs. Mellark, are you questioning me?"

"Alright. Please tell him Peeta is doing horrible."

I hear her writing down something, and then her voice comes back. "Symptoms?"

"Mumbling incoherently, not really here right now. He was clutching his head when I first found him, and swallowed 8 pain medication pills dry." I am furiously biting my nails right now.

He can't die right now, can he?

"Anything else?"

"He buried his face in a pillow when I talked to him, then screamed in pain when I ripped it away from him."

"Hmm." I hear more writing, and then she sighs. "I will get this to him as soon as possible, but if you want to hear my opinion, I can tell you something to make him comfortable until Dr. Grey comes."

I really didn't want to hear her stupid opinion, but I was getting desperate.

"What is it?"

"Since…his…condition…is so difficult, I think he's having an over-the-top migraine. Simple one's can be bad, but since his brain is so fragile already, I think it's much for him to handle. I suggest giving him morphling until Dr. Grey comes."

"Wait, wait, you keep saying, 'when Dr. Grey comes'. What do you mean?"

I hear her chuckle, and then clear her throat, "Dr. Grey said in his notes that he would now be 'coming to Mr. Mellark's home because he'll be deteriorating so much that I'll need to see him at his home until the end.'"

"Oh."

"So if you just give him morphling, that will tie him over until he comes."

"Thank you so much. He'll thank you when he's better." I smile brightly into the phone.

She sounds hesitant when she says, "No problem Mrs. Mellark. Just doing my job."

I hang up the phone and scream, _"HAYMITCH, I NEED MORPHLING!"_

Peeta moans loudly, turning on his side and I bite my lip.

Probably not my smartest choice.

"Sorry Peeta." I whisper, wiping his damp hair away from his face. Haymitch appears in the doorway, the vial of morphling in his hands.

"Here sweetheart." He holds the vial out and I take the needle, sweat lining my brow.

"Do you want me to do it?" Haymitch whispers, his eyes sad. I shake my head, "No, hold him down, please."

Haymitch nods, walking over to Peeta's curled up form, holding his shoulders. I take a deep breath before walking over to Peeta. I grab his shoulder and inject the needle, gently injecting the morphling into his bloodstream.

Peeta moans, and Haymitch holds him down harder. I finish off the morphling and pull out the needle out of his shoulder.

The effect on Peeta is immediate. His body unclenches and he goes limp, his face turning peaceful. Haymitch and I back out of the room quietly and I shut the door soundlessly.

Haymitch pulls me into a hug and I silently sob into his chest.

"Sweetheart, how long?"

"A month at tops."

"And isn't his birthday just a couple of weeks from now?" I stiffen at Haymitch's question.

"Oh no." I whisper. I start to sob even harder. Haymitch hugs me tighter until I hear a little voice.

"What's wrong Mommy?"

I pull back from Haymitch, wiping my eyes as I stare down at my daughter.

"Come here Rose." I kneel on the ground and hold out my arms. Rose runs over to me and I fall back against the floor, sobbing into her hair.

I vaguely hear the doorbell ring before Haymitch goes to answer it. A minute later I hear someone coming up the stairs.

"Katniss." Dr. Grey kneels down next to me. He gently pries Rose out from my hands and gives her to Haymitch, who brings her back into the living room. I sob into Dr. Grey's coat and he rocks me gently.

"Why didn't he tell me?" I cry, tightening my hold on his coat.

"You know why." Dr. Grey whispers.

Yes. Because he didn't want me to worry.

I guess he got that from me from living with me for so long. It reminds me of the time when I sprained my ankle and I didn't tell him about it, because I didn't want him to worry. He had already missed so much time from the bakery from when Rose was born, and I didn't want him to miss even more time. When he finally found out, he was disappointed in me because I didn't tell him. Now the tides have turned and I'm in his shoes, except I'm not disappointed in him, I'm sad and scared, because I know he may die, and I'll be all alone.

The thought makes me sob even harder. Dr. Grey just sits there as I soak his coat. Finally my sobs have reduced to hiccups and I pull away, my face burning in shame.

"Sorry." I mumble, staring at the ground.

"Don't be sorry Katniss. It's good to get something as big as this off of your mind." I nod.

Still…

Dr. Grey stands up, clearing his throat. "I'm sorry to ask, but where is your bedroom?"

I stand up slowly; feeling like a ton of bricks has been tied to my back. "Right this way." Before I open the door, I whisper, "Sorry for fighting you for 4 hours this morning."

Dr. Grey smiles ruefully, "No problem. I know I would be fighting like you did if someone told me that my wife was going to die."

I wince, and then nod, silently opening the door. Dr. Grey slips in then turns to look back at me.

"I'll do this one by myself. The next one can be with you in the room." His tone makes it sound like there is no discussion for this. I nod, letting go of the door handle.

The door softly clicks shut, and I'm locked out.

* * *

"Come on Sweetheart, eat something." Haymitch begs, trying to force open my mouth. I stare blankly at the kitchen wall, not moving. Hunter plays with my socks, but I don't even tell him to stop.

He's been in there for 3 hours, what could be going on?

My head snaps upward to look at Haymitch and he jumps, dropping his fork.

"Sae?" I whisper, my mouth dry. "Can you take the kids out to your place to make some more of that stew. I think Peeta will love it."

Sae looks at Haymitch and he nods. She sighs and comes over to peal Hunter off of my socks. He starts to cry and I mindlessly pat his head. He reaches for me, but Sae drags him and Rose out of the house. As soon as the front door closes, I explode.

"WHAT IS GOING ON HAYMITCH?!" I scream, flinging my plate of food of the table. It shatters, spraying food and glass everywhere. Haymitch's face, my arm, the window. I sob; hiding my face in my hands as I Haymitch awkwardly pats my back.

I'm like this all day, the mood swings are the worst and Haymitch takes the brunt of it. Luckily he doesn't say anything, just sits calmly as I scream at him and throw things too.

At around 4 in the afternoon, Dr. Grey finally comes down, looking worn and tired. Haymitch taps my shoulder; I had been staring out the window again, and clears his throat. I look up blankly and Dr. Grey kneels before me, looking me deep in the eyes.

I don't even have to ask, he'll just tell me anyways.

"Peeta is up now, speaking clearly, but his headache is still bad. I have to warn you…"

He doesn't get to finish what he was saying, because I had already flung off my blanket and bolted past him.

"KATNISS!" Dr. Grey shouts, but I'm already halfway up the stairs. I hear him and Haymitch chase after me. I don't give it a second thought as I fling the bedroom door opens.

Beautiful azure eyes meet my own dull gray ones and I sigh, a soft smile lighting my face.

"Peeta."

"Katniss…" Peeta looks confused, his hands tangling in the sweaty sheets.

"How are you…"

His face hardens, and I stop in mid-sentence.

"Peeta…"

"GET OUT." He grounds out, his eyes meet mine again and there's an angry sneer on his face.

"GET OUT NOW!" He shouts, throwing a pillow at me. I bolt out the bedroom and into Haymitch's arms, tears running down my face. Dr. Grey shuts the door quickly and sighs, turning to face us. He pinches the bridge of his nose as he whispers,

"…About that."

* * *

Sae comes back down after putting the children to bed. My head is in my arms on the table and Haymitch has his hand intertwined with one of mine. Dr. Grey sits at the end of the table, glancing worriedly at me once and awhile.

When Sae had brought the children home, I had started to sob, seeing Rose's blue eyes and Hunter's blonde hair had sent me into a fit. Sae had kept the two of them away from me for the rest of the night and had put them to bed for me.

"They're asleep." Sae whisper in my ear, her warm breath tickling my ear. I nod slowly into my arms and she sighs. A chair squeaks across from me and I know she has sat down across from me.

"Dr. what are we going to do about Peeta?" Sae asks Dr. Grey. He sighs and shifts in his seat.

"Make him comfortable until the end I guess. It could be soon by the way his is right now. I had just seen him a week ago and he was fine, but now he's…" He stops, clearing his throat uncomfortably.

I snap my head up, burning gray eyes meeting shocked brown eyes as I hiss, "He's _what?_ A monster? A creature turning from good to bad?"

"Mrs. Mellark." Dr. Grey says firmly, anger igniting his eyes. "You know we're trying everything we can to help-"

"BS!" I scream, flinging my hands up in the air. I stand up and point accusingly at him, glowering. "I know that the only reason you're seeing him is so you can use him like a lab rat! You're a spy form the Capitol!"

"Katniss!" Sae shouts, her eyes wide. "That's absurd!"

It may be, but I'm tired and scared and just want Peeta right now that I'm not thinking clearly.

"Sweetheart." Haymitch whispers in my ear. I stare at him and all of my anger dissipates. I stare sorrowfully at Dr. Grey and Sae, and I feel tears prick the back of my eyes.

"Katniss, please, I'm trying to help." Dr. Grey pleads with me.

"Dr. Grey…" I start but he holds up a hand.

"Please call me Nathan."

This shocks me speechless, until I try it out.

"N…na-than." The name ties my tongue together but he nods.

"Katniss, I was meaning to ask you. I plan on being here until the end of…you know…and I need a place to stay, just so I'm right here incase something happens. I don't want to be here as an intruder, so…" He gestures helplessly and I nod slowly.

"You can live in Peeta's old house."

* * *

A week ticks by, Peeta's uncontrollable mood swings and headaches make it so hard to bear but I do, because I know Peeta would do the same thing I am if I were in his shoes.

So I deal with all of his murderous screams at me, his painful cries and his blankness in life, as I can take it. But I'm not alone. Nathan, Greasy Sae, Haymitch and of course my children make it easier to bear.

But not by much.

I still have my days where I will not get out of bed, drowning in sorrow, and Haymitch will have to dump ice-cold water over me, just as I did to him, so long ago.

There will be days where I'm in such high sprits, until I see Peeta, and I fall into depression again.

I can't stand the blankness look in his eyes, the way his skin hangs of his bones like baggy clothing, the tremors in his hands when he grabs a glass to drink.

He has lost feeling in his legs and feet, and now has to be in a wheelchair, and he has his hourly dosing of morphling, which does not help with his deteriorating body.

My mother calls constantly, but I never answer the phone. Either Sae, Haymitch, or Nathan will answer it, telling her how Peeta is doing, but I never will.

I never will forgive her for leaving me here alone.

One night, I ask Nathan at the dinner table, "Why couldn't you have taken out the tumor?"

He wipes his mouth on a napkin before answering, "If I would have done that, you would have hated me even more than you do now. I once had a patient that had this same thing, minus the tracker jacker venom of course, and his wife barely knew who he was after the surgery. He was a kind man before, but after, he became possessive, angry, never happy. He was always in pain, that's what made him that way, and he died a couple years after the surgery.

I feel, if I let Peeta go this way, he and you will be much more happier."

I just nod and finish with my dinner, my heart pounding.

"Mommy." Rose's voice brings me to the present and I look down at her, wiping my hands off from the raw meat.

I pull the handkerchief from my face, so I couldn't smell the meat, and kneel down to her level.

"Yes dear?"

"What's wrong with Daddy?"

And just like that, my world spins to a stop. Peeta looks up from his hands in the living room, his sunken eyes burning holes through mine.

I clear my throat and whisper, "He's just not feeling well, he has a bug."

Rose's nose scrunches upward, "He has a bug?"

I laugh lightly and poke her nose, "No baby girl. Not like that."

"Rose, come here." Peeta calls for her. She looks at me and I nod subtly. She leaves me and I watch her go over to Peeta. He picks her up with difficulty, even though she's just 50 pounds.

I shake my head, turning back towards the meat. Bile flavor rises in my mouth, as I smell the raw meat. I slap a hand over my mouth and bolt for the bathroom.

I vomit for a while before Nathan walks in, his eyes worried.

"Katniss." He whispers, kneeling to my level.

"Have you even considered…"

"No." I say firmly, because I have thought of it, and I could never have a child after Peeta has died.

* * *

But fate isn't kind to me.

The day before Peeta's birthday is the day I finally suck it up and take a test.

And when I see I'm pregnant, I scream.

Sae finds me curled up in a little ball, rocking back and forth.

"Katniss, what's wrong?" Sae kneels down to my level and pries away my hands from my face.

"I'm…I'm pregnant." I whisper. Sae's eyes go wide. I start to sob and Sae pulls me close.

"I'm so sorry Katniss." Sae whispers.

I wipe the tears from my cheeks just as Nathan shouts, "KATNISS!"

I look at Sae and she nods at me.

"KATNISS? NOW!"

I get up and bolt for the bedroom.

Haymitch stands outside the door, his eyes wide.

"Haymitch…"

"It's time."

I gasp and Haymitch pushes me through the door.

Peeta is lying on the bed, his face ashen, his breathing shallow. Nathan sits next to him, his face sorrowful.

"Peeta." I cry, running up to the bedside.

His face turns towards mine, his eyes hollow.

"Katniss…" he breathes, running a hand through my hair.

"Oh Peeta, I…"

His face turns scared and he hisses, "Run Katniss! They've found you! I'll just keep you behind!"

"Peeta what are you…"

He moans, convulsing on the bed, until his breathing ceases and he finally has stopped suffering.

But I'm just beginning.

* * *

Peeta's funeral is 2 months later, private and honorable. I'm 5 months pregnant and my mother comes to the funeral.

I stiffen when I see her, and then calm down. She walks up to me and we stand apart from each other.

"How are you doing Katniss?" She gestures to my showing stomach and I shrug, looking back at the casket.

And that's our conversation.

Haymitch asks me where to bury the casket, and I gesture for the men to follow me.

I bring them deep into the forest, right to the lake.

They bury Peeta right next to the lake and leave, but Haymitch and I stay behind.

"Where are the children?" I whisper, still sitting next to the new ground where Peeta was buried.

"With Sae."

* * *

The baby is born 4 months later and I sit, watching his every move.

"What are you going to name him?" Haymitch asks from the door.

I don't look up as I say, "Peeta."

His hair is blonde with brown streaks, his eyes blue with gray streaks in them too.

Peeta is everywhere, but there's only place he'll stay alive forever,

My heart.

* * *

A/N: I personally HATED this story, but I thought I'd write it. Sorry for any grammatical errors.

I should really get a beta... Anyone interested?


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